hmmm.

wow. conversation. it can be so good and necessary and so scary too. and also overwhelming.

i'm a woman of action. i like to do and follow through and so talking and postulating make me almost frightened of the future. It seems so unattainable and looming. I can get easily overwhelmed talking about a topic I can do nothing about.

I guess the only thing I can do when those situations come up is pray.

Those things I can do nothing about, God can.

Hmmm. Even as I write those words I'm comforted. Well, I've had one of those conversations, and I think I need to do what I've just discovered.

You're on a need to know basis.

Ten Random Things:

10. Hates birds, loves jewelry with birds on it.
9.5 Is facinated with peacock feathers right now.
9. Locked myself out of the bank on Sunday, when I was working by myself. My manager had to drive 15 min. to let me back in.
8. You know how people's biggest fears are like spiders and heights... mine is entrepreneurship
7. Favorite candy flavor: peach
6. My travel goal for the next 5 years is New York. 2 years Seattle. Honeymoon: somewhere beachy ;)
5. Really loves the Jackyl song "I'm a lumberjack" in which they use a chainsaw as a musical instrument.
4. My blowdryer broke. I have air dryed for the last week.
3. I'm now addicted to Heroes and Arrested Development.
2. This will be my 5th year as a counselor at Royal Family Kids Camp. This is my first year to be a counselor for an 11 year old. Her name is Ashley.
1. As of today I have been dating Daniel for 3 months!

Stand Up.

Alright. Dane Cook.

SSSSSOOOOOOO funny! I'm not a huge fan of listening to comedians becuase mostly they annoy me, but this guy is a keeper.

He can get a little crass, but I totally laugh anyway. It's weird. Normally I would be offended, but he actually seems like a nice guy, and because of this his vulgarity is a little less jarring. Not trying to justify, just saying, it's funny sh**. Ha!

Crybaby

I cry soooo much!

Last night I went to the gym with my personal muscley trainer and almost cried. I feel like such a baby when I say I can't but I guess it's my way of trying to save face when I actually can't do it.

Then I started talking about my insecurity with him, and totally cried. Then he was so nice and understanding and encouraging and I cried even more!

as my friend st. francis would say: Dear me, get some cajones! Love, me.

ps. st. francis: this is what i was "sad" about last night. more like, introspective and thankful and tired, and a little sad that i cry so much. :)

pps. the picture is not me. although i'm a little jealous of the antennae

Camping

I don't care how long or where. Camping is the best. Hopefully I'll be going camping this Sunday and I'm so looking forward to it.

Good food. Get to spend non-stop time with the ex-roomies and other incredible friends. Get to watch my bf stoke the fire. Get to drive through the beautiful mountains. etc....

love it!

Closed fist open heart

I am my mother. As much as I try to perfect her already perfection, I am exactly the same.

Anything that is hers is hers and you better not touch it, or you better replace it within seconds.

I like my things. I'm not willing to share. Why! Who cares! 

Ok. So I had a thought. I have a new roommate with whom I obviously share the fridge. I left a lone beer in there thinking, "I'll get to that." But I thought wrong. I should've thought, "Somebody else will get to that before I do." So mystery person drank my last cold one and it made me angry. I would never drink their stuff!

I decided why I, and my twin of a mother, are such horders. It's because we don't want to rely on anybody else for anything. So we have to protect what we've got.

Well you know what. I need people. I need their stuff sometimes and you know what? That's ok. We need each other. And I will leave an extra beer in the fridge for sharing's sake. 

Mr Rodger's eat your heart out.

IRONS IN THE FIRE

I am definitely too busy right now.

Well, not really busy... I've just been occupied every minute of my day.

And you know what? It's totally made my patience and reasoning go down the drain.

Things I probably wouldn't have noticed before I'm now fretting over and overreacting to. Sorry to all those who have experienced the tidal waves of my emotions recently.

Here's what I think. I'm gonna just have to tough it out through this season. Maybe after I move I will be less accounted for and more able to handle things.

I really enjoy having things to do. It gets pretty boring without it. So I'm just gonna learn to deal with everything and keep my patience even when I'm stretched a little far.

And another thing...

If I want a truck, I'm going to get a truck.

Just because I'm a girl, don't tell me to borrow my husband's truck! I know you can't see me but my clothes are ripping and I'm about to turn in the incredible hulk(ette).

I have every right to own a truck. And until recently there haven't even been any guys willing to help me move big objects so for years now, besides my dad, I've had to fend for myself. Now I've found someone with big muscles that is willing to help.

Thanks to my freakin awesome boyfriend who drives, hauls, and gentlemans. :) But a girls gotta fend for herself too. You know pump our own gas, move our own beds. I think a girl who can do that stuff is awesome, and when she is lucky enough to have someone to do it for her and she'll allocate it to him. even better. that's meekness.

indecision will be the death of me

After years of being tormented by a car that is 60 years older than I, the day has come when I get a newer younger version.

For a long time I have felt that I should be wearing dentures and white orthopedic shoes when I step out of my car. For Pete's sake the name of the car is OLDSMOBILE!

No longer. I am trying to find the farthest thing from a grandma car. Something that can't be assigned the name, "hoopty."
The problem is indecision. I can't decide on what I want or even how much I want to pay. What started as 4000 has somehow inched it's way up to 7000. And what started as a pick-up has become a crossover.

So for my sake here is my list of possibilities. You can skip over this part, it's really for my sanity.

Toyota:
4runner, Tacoma

Honda:
Passport, Civic, Accord

Ford:
Ranger

Nissan:
Truckish

As you can tell I don't know much about cars.

So while this is the most difficult decision I've made in a while I can say adios to the hoopty.

Farewell bizo.

Bullheaded

When I asked my sister to join the bro, the man, and me for paintballing, she said, "No thanks. I don't care to be a target for everyone else." I thought, "Lame. I always knew you were the weaker sister, no wonder why I'm mom and dad's favorite."



So we packed up gear and got ready to spend the day adrenalin filled and paint covered. As we arrived at the meeting place my tough exterior was beginning to melt.



The 30 some guys we were going to play with actually had a name (Strength and Honor) and a waiver to sign so we couldn't hold them liable when the welts we received turned into permanent contusions. They were dressed in full camo with packs and special gear.



Just in case you were wondering at my previous abilities... I'd shot a paint ball gun one time before- at a dumpster behind Shopko about 3 years ago. Also I don't play Halo until my eyes bleed. I don't pretend I'm at war with my girlfriends. And if you heard the sound I make for a machine gun you'd think I was having an epileptic seisure. These guys had the serious upper hand.



After a 20 minute drive where the man and the bro decide to psych me out by telling me how bad it hurts and that they would be shooting me throughout the day for fun, we finally arrived at the scene of the disaster.



The first game ended for me with my first wound, which didn't hurt as much as I was expecting. But I was still on the verge of tears from the intimidation.



The second game ended when I tried to run to the next rock, but as soon as I made my first step they lit me up, whilst yelling, "Got the girl! She's gone!" Oh yeah, did i forget to tell you I was the only girl who was playing? Me playing with a troop of male paintballers was like making a guy watch Grey's Anatomy and expecting him to understand when we cry at Merideth's house of candles.



I nearly cried twice today.



And so... I was done. I sat out the rest of the day trying my best to hold back my tears of defeat and cheer on my teammates.



I decided that my sister is the smart one and I am the bullheaded one that thinks I'm as tuff as the guys, when really all I accomplished today was being a target with a ponytail.

i'm gonna rock summer.

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water. - Carl Reiner

I've said "I'm officially done with winter!" about 1,000 times now since January 1st. When you take the Christmas decorations down, Mother Nature should put away the snow, too.

I should not still be waking up to the ground covered in a blanket of snow.

So needless to say, I'm ecstatic for the arrival of Spring, let alone Summer!

I can't wait for the day when I don't have to cancel plans because the elements have consorted against me. I thought I'd go for a jog. No. That was silly, becuase now it's raining. I thought I'd go longboarding. Why wend the wind chill is -20. And keep in mind, I make the plans when the weather is nice. It just so happens that the stability of the weather right now is less than the stockmarket. Poor Dow :(

Tan lines, sun burns and air conditioning. That's what i'm holding on to.

Repeats.

I don't understand why tv stations throw repeats in the middle of the new season.

Don't tease me like that!!

So tonight the Office was a repeat, but you know what? I still laughed. Becuase nothing comes between me and my office.

It takes 100 muscles to frown and only 10 to smile. Lies.

Smile.

No.

I'll smile if I wanna smile. And if I'm not it probably means you're not worth me smiling around you.

Well, maybe they're all right. Maybe if I smiled more they wouldn't tell me to smile. Great logic, right?

Ok. I'll drop my pride, whatever demented pride that has lead me to decide that smiling ruins my image, and I'll smile. All the time. Even when I don't want to.

If you could see me, I'm smiling. And if Olly looked over at me, she would wonder what I'm smiling about.

This feels weird.